One thing I’ve learned about myself over the years is that I’ve gotten pretty good at transmuting negative energy. And when I say transmuting, I’m talking about taking something that initially makes me feel discouraged, disappointed, angry, or even defeated and finding a way to turn that energy into something useful. Now, don’t get me wrong, I still have my moments. I’m human, and some situations will absolutely have me sitting there like, “Now what was the reason for all of this?” But I’ve learned that just because something disrupts my peace doesn’t mean I have to let it completely derail me. Some of my greatest moments of inspiration have come from circumstances that initially made me question everything. Somewhere along the way, I started asking myself a different question: What can I create from this instead of just focusing on what happened to me? And before we go any further, let me say this. I’m not about to tell you to be positive every second of the day. Life happens, people disappoint you, plans fall apart, and sometimes you find yourself dealing with things you never would’ve signed up for. You’re allowed to be upset about that. Cry if you need to, vent to somebody you trust, or take your moment to process what you’re feeling. Emotions are meant to be acknowledged, not buried under a bunch of positive affirmations. But while I can’t always control what comes my way, I can be intentional about what I allow it to turn me into.
Think about how much energy we give to things that upset us. We’ll replay a conversation fifteen different ways, question somebody’s intentions, and spend entirely too much time trying to make sense of something we may never get an explanation for. Meanwhile, all that energy is going toward a situation that might not even deserve another minute of our attention. Now imagine taking even half of that energy and putting it toward something that actually benefits you. That disappointment could inspire a new goal, a healthier boundary, a creative idea, or the decision to finally start doing something you’ve been putting off. The energy doesn’t have to disappear for you to redirect it. Sometimes you just have to decide that whatever happened isn’t getting the rest of your day, your week, or your life. That’s really what transmuting negative energy looks like to me. It’s recognizing that even uncomfortable emotions carry information. Frustration might reveal what you’ve been tolerating for too long, rejection might redirect you toward something more aligned, and disappointment might expose expectations you didn’t realize you were holding onto. Instead of sitting in those feelings indefinitely, I like to ask myself, “Okay, what is this showing me?” Because if I’m going to spend energy on something, I’d much rather invest it in becoming better than stay emotionally attached to what made me feel bad in the first place.
I’ve come to believe that one of the most valuable things we can take from a difficult experience is the lesson it leaves behind. Not because every painful thing happens for a good reason, but because I refuse to let every uncomfortable chapter leave me empty-handed. Sometimes the lesson is patience, sometimes it’s discernment, and sometimes it’s realizing you knew better but decided to give something one more chance anyway. And listen, we’ve all been there. The point isn’t to beat yourself up over what you didn’t recognize sooner. It’s to become aware enough that when life presents you with something familiar, you’re able to make a different decision. Because here’s something I’ve noticed about cycles: what you refuse to acknowledge has a funny way of showing back up in a different outfit. Different people, different circumstances, same emotional patterns. You might think you’ve moved on because the situation ended, but if your mindset, boundaries, or behavior haven’t changed, you could find yourself right back in a similar position. That’s not to say everything is your fault, because it certainly isn’t. Sometimes the lesson is simply accepting what you cannot control or recognizing what you no longer deserve to tolerate. Personally, I’d rather learn the lesson now than have life present me with another opportunity to take the same class.
Now, here’s where I want us to be careful, because there’s a fine line between learning how to grow through hardship and becoming a little too comfortable with having to overcome something. Just because you’ve mastered turning pain into purpose doesn’t mean you need to keep experiencing pain to feel purposeful. Sometimes we get so accustomed to survival mode that peace almost feels suspicious. We’re waiting for the next disappointment, the next problem, the next thing we’re going to have to figure out. Before you know it, you’ve built an entire identity around being the person who can handle anything. But baby, who said you were supposed to have to handle everything? There’s a difference between being resilient and repeatedly placing yourself in situations that require resilience. You don’t have to stay in unhealthy relationships to prove how deeply you can love, run yourself into the ground to prove you’re ambitious, or keep revisiting environments that disturb your spirit just because you’ve gotten good at recovering from them. The goal is not to become a professional survivor. The goal is to become so intentional about your life that survival is no longer your default setting. You are allowed to experience growth through happiness, stability, love, and ease. Everything valuable doesn’t have to come with a struggle attached to it. And that’s why I think learning to shake off and shake back is such an important skill. Not because you’re supposed to be unaffected by everything, but because you develop enough trust in yourself to know that an uncomfortable season doesn’t have to become your permanent reality. Sometimes the shake back is a major accomplishment, a new opportunity, or finally doing something you once doubted you could do. Other times it’s simply realizing that something that would’ve sent you into an emotional spiral six months ago no longer has that kind of power over you. Don’t overlook those quieter victories just because nobody else can see them.
One thing I appreciate about my own growth is that I don’t always feel the need to make a dramatic comeback or prove to anybody that I’m doing better. Sometimes I’m simply proud of how differently I respond to things that once would’ve completely thrown me off balance. I can take disappointment and become more intentional, frustration and turn it into motivation, or an ending and allow it to create space for something new. And I can do all of that without allowing the experience to make me bitter, hardened, or disconnected from the softer parts of myself. Because as far as I’m concerned, maintaining a good heart while developing better discernment is a beautiful kind of strength. So the next time you find yourself in a low cycle, don’t immediately pressure yourself to figure everything out. Feel what you need to feel, give yourself some grace, and when you’re ready, start asking yourself better questions. Is there a pattern I need to recognize? Is there something I can do differently, or is this one of those moments where I simply need to accept what I cannot control? And most importantly, how can I redirect this energy into something that serves the person I’m becoming? You don’t have to have every answer immediately, but you can decide that this experience will not have the final say over your life. Because the real flex isn’t how many times life has knocked you down and you’ve managed to get back up. It’s reaching a point where the things that once kept knocking you down no longer have the same access to you.